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Quest for the Zodiac Stones

Except that it wasn't quite the same. There was the same hill, and the sky was still dark, but somewhere off in the east there was the dim, faint light of the rising sun. Lara stood up and dumped all the Zodiac stones onto the dewy grass and tried to arrange them in order. Everyone joined her and they tried to make a circle of the stones.
"I thought Sagittarius was after Capricorn?"
"No it isn't, Capricorn is after Sagittarius!"
"Well at least we're sure that Taurus is after Aries‚¶"
"No, Cancer should be here, since it's the opposite of Capricorn!"
Suddenly in the midst of the squabble, the stones jumped into the air and bound themselves to each other. The light they gave off was so bright that none of them could see clearly, except, of course, Johnny, who was wearing sunglasses.
When they could open their eyes the stones had disappeared. Instead, they saw a very old man with twinkling eyes.
"Well, it seems you punks hev all saved Greensfield," said he. "After the sun rises the time loop that Greensfield was stuck in for centuries is history. And Ah'm free now."
"Oh, great! Does this mean we can go home now?" asked Terry.
"Well‚¶Ah'm only saying you've nothing more to do. Ya'll have ter get home yerselves. Now that Greensfield ain't stuck in a time loop anymore, there's a subway and a busing system like any other American town."
"But what about all those villains who were after us? Aren't they -"
"Oh, don't you worry, Ah've brainwashed everyone. We're all modernized now, there ain't no problem Ah kin't solve. So you punks get yerselves home wheer ya belong."
Lara, Terry, Garfield, Donkey and Johnny face-faulted in astonishment.
It was Hagar's brother, the wizard, all right.
And he had been released and Greensfield was safe and free.
And he had "modernized" Greensfield, all right.
But he sure wasn't anything like what they'd expected a powerful wizard to be like.
Because he was wearing overalls, cowboy boots and a ten-gallon hat, and had a Southern accent.
"Just wait one second, here!" said Donkey. "Wizards do NOT wear overalls, cowboy boots and ten-gallon hats, and they don't have Southern accents!"
"Oh yeah? Well Ah do. Scuze me, Miss Lara, Ah hope this here quest weren't too much fer ya."
"Er, um, no, of course not, don't mention it, I was delighted," said Lara, not even realizing what she was saying.
"Well then, Ah'd best be off." He took off his hat and bowed to Lara, then walked off into the distance and disappeared as everyone stared with their mouths hanging open.
"Okay, that was weird," said Lara finally.
"Nah, that was weird," said Terry.
"It was WEIRD!" yelled everyone else.
"So what do we do now?" Lara asked.
Garfield stared at her as if SHE was wearing overalls, cowboy boots and a ten-gallon hat. "EAT!"
No one disagreed.
They walked down the hill and saw a regular morning routine instead of the creepy, dark Greensfield they had visited earlier. There was a big sign saying "WELCOME TO GREENSFIELD"; there were nice sidewalks and everyone was dressed like normal Americans of year 2002 dress.
They saw a school bus pass. All the children looked perfectly normal - some were stealing lunches, others were being terrorized by the big kids, etc. The bus-driver looked awfully familiar.
"Have we seen that driver before?" asked Garfield lazily as they headed towards a diner.
Lara screeched to a holt, and everyone fell over. "STOP THE BUS!" she yelled. "THAT EVIL WHO'S DRIVING IT!"
In the confusion that followed:
1) Terry flew ahead and practically destroyed the engine of the bus in an attempt to stop it
2) Garfield ripped up lots of the seats with his claws and threatened to wound any kid who refused to surrender his lunch
3) Donkey battered up the sides of the bus with his hooves and threatened to clobber Garfield if he didn't give the school lunches to Donkey
4) Johnny stole hair gel from a pimp and also stole the side-view mirror of the bus to fix his hair
5) Lara grabbed Evil and twisted her arm behind her back

When the police finally cleared up the mess, they convinced the gang that no, "Evil" was not a mad psycho terrorist, she was a nice widowed lady, Eve Brockovich, who didn't have any children and kept lots of cats and drove the children of Greensfield to school. Mrs. Brockovich was lonely and was not at all offended by the Gang's rough treatment - she didn't press charges. She even let them move in with her until they went home, and they found that she was in reality a sweet, lovable person who donated all of her money to orphanages. This did not change the fact that Mrs. Brockovich looked exactly like Evil, the person who wanted to kill all of them earlier. Lara decided that Hagar's brother's brainwashing techniques were a little extreme.
The Gang had to pay for damages and all the stuff they stole, although Mrs. Brockovich didn't press charges. Various decisions were made:
1) Lara and Terry sedated Donkey, ironed him out and stuffed him into a FedEx parcel, which they addressed to:
Shrek and Princess Fiona
Shrek's Swamp
Middle of Unknown Forest Near Dulac
Disneyland
FL 80311-6253 (FL: Land of Fairytales)
USA
2) Jon was called and asked whether he'd like his favorite cat, Garfield, back home. When he said no, he's saved a lot on bills since Garfield left, he was told he'd get Garfield back anyway.
3) Johnny, Lara and Terry went to the bar where Johnny and Lara first met. They were going to have a drink together to say goodbye. When the waitress who served Lara at the beginning of this story came to ask for their orders again, she flipped: the girl wasn't wearing a full-length dress and clogs anymore, but a REALLY short black mini-skirt and a tight top with a REALLY plunging neckline.
The girl said. "Hi, I'm Trixie. Are you ready to order?"
Lara stared at her and said, "No." She noticed the cheap perfume and make up.
Trixie persisted. "Are you people new in town? If you want, I could show you around‚¶" She gave Terry a significant glance.
But, of course, it was Johnny who replied. "Sure, pretty momma, I'd love to be shown around -"
Trixie looked at Johnny in disgust. Terry grinned. "Yeah, Trixie, why don't you show Johnny around tonight? I think I'll go some other time‚¶"
Trixie obviously wasn't pleased but she agreed to take Johnny to the local cinema. Seeing how interesting this could turn out to be, Lara and Terry decided to stalk them and secretly go see Goldmember with them too.
For stalking, Lara borrowed some of "Evil" a.k.a. Mrs. Brockovich's weird
clothing and jewelry and Terry took the deceased Mr. Brockovich's overalls, cowboy boots and ten-gallon hat. (Hmm.)
As the cinema started filling up, Lara commented to Terry: " The lighting in this cinema is very strange. Look, the people around us seem to have greenish or pinkish skin!"
Terry looked. "Yeah, it's strange. And look, they all seem to be quite small in size!"
Before the movie started, naturally, there were advertisements. Lara and Terry didn't pay much attention to the adverts since they were spying on Trixie and Johnny in the front row. But one advert arrested their attention‚¶
It was for women's lingerie. The image of a blond guy with sunglasses appeared on the screen. He was wearing women's lingerie and belly dancing, as well as singing in an awful falsetto voice:
"I'M YOUR VENUS, I'M YOUR FIRE!"
"HOLY MARY IN HEAVEN!" yelled Terry, shocked.
"MY SAINTED AUNT!" yelled Lara, aghast.
"AUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" yelled Johnny in humiliation
Terry, Lara, and everyone else burst into laughter. They laughed so hard that they cried. A phone rang; one of the green-skinned people picked it up and handed it to Lara. It was Donkey.
"HAHAHA - have you seen the - have you seen the -"
Lara laughed and somehow answered, "Yes,"
The pink-skinned and green-skinned people stood up when the advert was over and yelled,
"VICTORY FOR THE PINKIES AND GREENIES! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA‚¶"
But hardly anyone heard them, because everyone was laughing.
"HAHAHAHAHA‚¶best ad I've ever seen‚¶must tell Harriet to come see‚¶I know that guy! It's Johnny Bravo‚¶Look, there he is!..."
The reporters came in.
"Mr. Bravo‚¶Johnny Bravo! Were you drunk? Do you have any comment?"
The last thing anyone heard was Johnny's cry of agony.

     THE END