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Happy corner

Welcome to the Happy Corner! This is the place where we posted some jokes that may perhaps make your day a little happier....

" CREATION OF GOD "

 God created the donkey and said to him:
 "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly
 from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
 you will have no intelligence and you will live 50
 years."
 The donkey answered:
 "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
 God granted his wish.
******************
God created the dog and said to him:
 "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
 You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
 You will be a dog."
 The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years."
God granted his wish.
***********************
God created the monkey and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "
The monkey answered:
 "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
**********************
Than finally God created man and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
 You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
 You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
 Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused."
God granted man's wish...
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his
grandchildren.

That's Life.
Is'nt it?

  When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech.  He began by reading from his prepared text.  "I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life," he told the audience.  "She is a shining example of parenthood, and I love her more than words could ever do
justice."

   At this point he seemed to struggle for words.  After a pause he looked up with a sly grin and said, "It's really hard to read my mom's handwriting."
 
President George Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT."
 
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
 
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.
President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
 
Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama
Bin Laden, that would be a tragedy."
 
"Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"
 
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

A man is walking down the street. He looks over and sees a frog sitting there on the sidewalk.  The frog looks up and says in a sweet voice, "I am really a princess. If you kiss me just once, I will return to my human form and do anything for you." The man picks up the frog, looks at it, and places it in his pocket. He then heads on his way again. Shortly a voice is heard from his pocket: "Didn't you hear me? If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and do anything for you." The man takes the frog from his pocket, looks at it for a moment, and returns is to his pocket. Shortly the voice is heard again, this time with a frustrated tone: "Hey! What's wrong with you?! I said if you kiss me I'll turn into a beautiful princess and do anything you want!" The man pulls out the frog and says to it, "Look, I'm a computer science student. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is kind of neat."  

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move!!

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

An exasperated mother,whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said,"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug."I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said,"Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy"
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

There was an Alien that just landed on Earth which didn't know a word of English.
He went to a music class and learned the words "Miiiiii, miiiii, miiiiii".
Then he went to a restaurant where people were screaming "Fork and Knife" so he learned these two words.
Then he saw a boy steal a lollypop from a little kid which started screaming "Wah, He stole my LOLLYPOP!!!"
After this he saw two teenagers exchanging candy and one of them said "Goody, Goody, Gumdrops" and he added this words to his vocabulary as well.
While he was walking along he found a dead guy on the street, the police came and started asking him questions.
Police : Who killed him???
Alien : Miiiiiiiii, miiiiiiiiiii, miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Police : With what did you kill him???
Alien : Fork and Knife
Police : Why did you kill him???
Alien : Wah, He stole my LOLLYPOP
Police : That's it Mister, you're going to jail
Alien : Goody, Goody, Gumdrops

 Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving her a tour of Heaven when she noticed that there were dozens of clocks on the wall. Each clock displayed a different time of day. When she asked St. Peter about the clocks, he replied, "We have a clock for each person on Earth and everytime they tell a lie the hands move. The clock ticks off one second for each time a lie is told". Special attetion was given to two clocks. The clock belonging to Mother Teresa has never moved, indicating that she never told a lie. The clock for Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice. He only told two lies in his life. Hillary asked: "Where's Bill's clock?" St. Peter replied, "Jesus has it in his office ... he's using it as a ceiling fan."

Question: What does a gun and a lazy worker have in common?
Answer:  They are both fired
 
Question: An elephant is sitting on a stool,what time is it?
Answer:   Time to get a new stool
 
A man is hurrying to go to a meeting and when he came to the reception desk he told Miss Smart,the secretary to....
Man: Call me a taxi
Miss Smart: Okay,you're a taxi
 
Lisa:  My husband is a man of rare gifts.
Retta:  That's nice.
Lisa:  He hasn't given me a present in twenty-five years of marriage
 
Question: What does a man in the butcher shop weighed?
Answer:  Meat
 
Mr.Rock: Oh hello, how is Mrs. Wood and all the little splinters?
Mr.Wood: They are just fine,and how is Mrs. Rock and all the little pebbles?
 
Question : Why can't a man living in Boston be buried in Chicago?
Answer : Because he's not even dead yet

In Italy, traffic will stop promptly if you cross the street with a
shapely blonde; in England, if you have a dog on a leash; in American, if you are accompanied by at least three children; in Germany, if you are wearing the uniform of a general.

A British Airways flight was going to Tehran from London. When it gets close to Tehran it starts having some kind of trouble.
The pilot contacts the air tower at Tehran airport and asks for help:
" Tehran, this Captain Smith, British Airways flight 000, do you read?"

" flight 000, dis iz Tehran felight contorol, go ahead "

" tehran, this is flight 000, we have a problem "

" dis iz tehran, vat kind of peroblem? "

" this is flight 000, we have lost power to our engines, please advise"

" dis iz tehran, i reed you, peleez check some tings for me, ok? "

" this is flight 000, go ahead "

" dis iz tehran, can you get emergency pover to your engines? "

" this is flight 000, negative, no power is available "

" dis iz tehran, can you peleez bering your altitutde to 20,000 feet?"

" this is flight 000, negative, our wing controls do not respond "

" dis iz tehran, can you peleez see if you can lower your veels? "

" this is flight 000, negative, landing gears are stuck "

" dis iz tehran, would you pleeze repeet thez words after me "

" this is flight 000, go ahead "

" dis iz Tehran, repeat thez vords peleez: ASh'hado anna loeloha ella alloh
va ash'hado anna Mohammadan rasul alloh "

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course. He needed help to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew over to it, and while circling the building, drew a handwritten sign and held it up to the helicopter's window. The sign said, "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. The people in the building quickly responded to the helicopter, drew a large sign and held it up to the building's window. Their sign read "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved to the people in the building, looked at his map, and flew straight back to Seattle airport and landed. After they were on the ground the passenger asked the pilot how the sign "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" helped determine his position? The pilot responded, "I knew I had to be at the Microsoft building because, similar to their help lines, they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer".

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed and white as ghosts. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off  Route 119."

"When I grow up," confided little Amy to her uncle, "I'm going to marry the boy next door."
"Why is that?"
"Cause I'm not allowed to cross the road."

 Before  the inauguration, George Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of  the White House.  After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill  Clinton  if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see  that the President had a gold urinal. That afternoon, George told his wife,  Laura,  about  the  urinal.  "Just  think,"  he  said,  "When  I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"
Later,  when  Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she  told  Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact  that  in  the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal..
That  evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."


Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu Jintao was named head of the Communist Party in China.
HU'S ON FIRST By James Sherman
 (Scene: The Oval Office. Enter the National Security Adviser, Condoleeza Rice.)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
Condi (On the phone): Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Only in Ireland

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly, he received this reply,
"For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what
happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

The Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and President Khatami died and went
all to hell.
The Queen Elizabeth said: "I miss England. I wanna call England and see how everybody is doing there"....She called and talked for about 5
minutes...then she said: "Well, Devil, how much do I owe you???? the
Devil goes: Five million dollars...five million dollars!!! she made him a check and went to sit back on her chair.... Bill Clinton was so jealous; He starts screaming: me too; I wanna call the United States; I wanna see how everybody is doing too...He called and talked for about 2 minutes; then he said: well, Devil how much do I owe you???? the Devil goes: ten million dollars.....ten million dollars!!!!!! He made him a check and went to sit back on his chair..... The Iranian president was extremely jealous too...he started screaming and screaming: I wanna call Iran too, I wanna see how everybody is doing there too, I wanna talk to the mullahs,to the terrorists, I wanna talk to everybody.....He called Iran and he talked for about twenty hours. He was talking and talking and talking....then he said: well, Devil how much do I owe you???? the Devil goes: one dollar.....only one dollar!!!!! the Devil goes: well, from hell to hell it's local.