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Quest for the Zodiac Stones

    

When they woke up they found themselves on a deserted beach. (The picture of which I use as my wallpaper. Sigh. Wouldnt you love to be à la plage?) The sun was shining, the breeze blew gently, the clear turquoise waters made soft rippling noises, and there was a gigantic coral reef. Lara rubbed her eyes as she surveyed the new paradise. She squinted and wondered which stone they were supposed to find here. Then she remembered seeing colonies of fish guarding Pisces. Of course! Lara thought. She got up and dusted her clothes, then woke the others. Come on, people, we have --? Hey!

A bunch of camera crewman and a whole cast of actors in YELLOW bathing suits appeared, along with their agents, make up artists, stand-ins, etc. There was an ugly fat man wearing a flowered shirt, sunglasses, and holding a cone-shaped device in his right hand that Lara didnt immediately recognize

Until he used it to blast the ears of the whole group of fifty people on the beach.

ALRIGHT PEOPLE, LETS GET MOVING! WE ARE ALREADY TWO MINUTES LATE! EVERYONE IN PLACE, NOW! YOU GIRLS OVER THERE! HASSELHOFF, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU

HOLY COW! screamed Terry. WERE IN THE SET OF BAYWATCH HAWAII!

Baywatch Hawaii?! said Lara in absolute shock. But were supposed to be in the Maldives!

No one paid attention to her because Johnny had already run off to flex his muscles for the actresses, who werent very impressed, since they worked with actors who had Johnnys physique. Donkey had gone off to talk to the director, whom he was trying to prove his talents to. Garfield was already in an isolated corner of the beach, sunbathing, and Terry had gone white in shock. Lara looked around her and saw red. GARFIELD! DONKEY! ALL OF YOU, GET BACK HERE, NOW!!!!

All of them ignored her. Muttering something under her breath, Lara dragged Terry along to the ocean and dived in, holding on to the back of his neck. They disappeared under the sparkling blue-green waves, near the red coral reef.

In the meanwhile, the fight scene choreographer was rehearsing some scenes with a couple of thugs with ski-masks and two of the actresses wearing their uniform i.e. the skimpy yellow bathing suit. [Note: In reality, you dont have to learn much to do fight scenes for this type of show. You only need to be able to kick straight.] The only problem here was that every time Stacie  (I think her real name was Tia Carrère or sth, or am I mixing her up with Sydney Fox?) grabbed one of the villains, Johnny intervened to save her. Under normal situations security wouldve been called in, but the director was having a BIG argument with David Hasselhoff, whom, as we know, is co-producer of the show.

By the time Terry and Lara submerged, clutching the Pisces stone, Donkey and Garfield had fallen asleep in the sun and the heated argument between the director and Hasselhoff continued, as the rest of the crew did pretty much what they liked. Most of them had already left.

Lara grabbed Johnny and Terry grabbed Garfield and Donkey, and they quietly slipped away. If you carefully watch the episode where Mitch dies then youll see a fuzzy orange cat, a gray donkey, a tall brown-haired woman and a tall black-haired teenager in the background. They seem to slowly disappear into nowhere in the middle of the other beach-occupants. "Oh man! I was about to become famous!" said Johnny disapointedly.

"Where are we this time? I'm tired of this stone searching!" complained Donkey.

The enviroment around them was similar to the previous one,except its an island and not a beach.The whole gang marched through thick vegetation and a damp air.

"Right, we are on an island in the middle of nowhere.And there seem not to be a single human life here.And....."  Lara was again cut off in the middle of her speech by a group of people running toward them.Lara and her friends bundled up in circle and prepared their weapons.Lara with her pistols.Terry with his batarang,Garfield with his claws,Donkey with his hooves,and Johnny with his scream. The people running toward them remind you of a barbaric tribe.They had  long shaggy hair,dark complexion, blood stained teeth, murdering black eyes,and they wore a dirty cloth for covering.There were about ten of them,surrounding Lara and her friends.

"Don't attack until they make their  first move ," whispered Lara to her team.

The barbarians cautiously approached them with their javelin and one of them shouted,"Strew jag nai? "(in Thai it means "enemy from where?") 

"What the heck are they saying?" said Terry to Lara.

"I don't know,but it doesn't sound very friendly."

"Move!" roared a man's voice from behind the crowd. He continued,"What are you doing  here starnger?"

Terry and Lara gulped hard,while Johnny,Garfield,and Donkey turned white as snow. This man who could speak English looked and dressed exactly like the barbarains,the only difference is his white skin.

Lara clenched her fists and tried hard to speak,"Um, sir,this is not what it seem.We are not intruders,we came to this island in search of an important artifact that can save a village."

"What kind of artifact? Do you mean you came here to steal?!" said the white man angrily.

Terry quickly cut in,"No,don't get us wrong,the artifact is just a stone,well not just a stone but..."

"Whatever it is you intruders can't have it!As the leader of Maiton, I order to leave!"

"Maiton?"said Donkey confusingly.

"Its what this island is called.And the people here are the Maitian. I read it somewhere that these people have the capability to speak Thai,Chinese,and even French," said Lara.

"You mean they're from those three countries?Doesn't look like it." said Terry

"No,they can speak those languages because first of all Thailand is just few miles away across the sea,and the Maitian sometimes seek refuge from the Chinese and the French there.Thats how they know all three languages."

"Lara,stop bragging your knowledge we're suppose to find a way out of here,"said Garfield. Lara between her teeth whispered,"Look kitty,I'm trying to keep them occupied so we can run."

"Very smart girl you are,but enough of this nonsense! Leave right now!"shouted the white man.

The barbarians surrounded them and pushed the javelins closer to team.Terry was trying to devised a plan and Lara just keep on talking to keep them occupied.

"How come you're the only white guy here?" questioned Lara to the white man.

"Thats none of your concern,I'm tired of this foolish game!I order you to leave now!"

Johnny suddenly saw something gleaming on top of a coconut tree,"Hey people I think I saw the zodiac stone on top of a coconut tree serveral meter ahead."

An idea pop in Terry's head.He quickly whispered it to his friends ears,"I have an idea,with my booster jet boot I can lift all of you out of this barbarians surrounding us.But since I won't be able to carry all of you for too long or too high,the minute I shout "Now" clinged to me and the minute we flew out of the barbarians surrounding,quickly run into the water and I will get the stone on that tree."

"You are trying my patience ," said the white man angrily.

"NOW!"Shouted Terry,and everyone clinged on Terry.They were all boosted three meter from the ground and four meter away from the tribal people.Everyone ran toward the water the moment they touched the ground and Terry flew in the other direction to get the stone.

"Stop them!"    But it was too late because Terry had already retreived the Capricorn stone and the portal opened for their escape.

Everyone ran towards the portal in despair that it would close or that the natives would catch up with them and follow them through the portal. Luckily our heroes were much faster than any of the Maitian natives and got through just in time but a spear went through the portal as well and it hit Johnny. Im going to die. They got me. Im dieing. Helppppppppppppppp! I need help, call a doctor. Im dieing cried Johnny. Donkey was so worried (like when Shrek got an arrow in his butt) he started running in circles and asked if there was anything he could do. Lara tried to calm him down but Donkey just went crazier and crazier. In the end Garfield, Terry & Lara pinned Donkey tied him up & blind folded him so that he would relax. Johnny had calmed down and thinking those were his last moment of life he started saying: I ask forgiveness to every pretty mama I met and I know you were all dreadfully in love with me but I cant accept all of your offers and so on.

Garfield, Lara and Terry then hurried to see if Johnny was hurt ( even though they thought he was exaggerating ). Terry noticed that the spear was showing on Johnnys back as well but Garfield noticed that it passed under his elbow. After he told Lara, he and Terry had a hard time holding her back from breaking the spear on Johnnys head and after a while her goal was accomplished. Johnny had passed out and everyone went and untied Donkey. Little did they know but they had already reached their destination: Greece.

They had landed in Greece but they didnt recognize it because at that time it was a polis, meaning that it was a city in which all the people would participate in political affairs except the slaves. They saw people orally telling stories to one another and that everyone would pass the stories on until the whole city had heard it so Lara deducted that they were in Greece.  Everyone was dressed in togas and found the way Terry, Johnny and Lara dressed really weird, so they decided to blend in. The found a merchant that was giving away togas in exchange for something precious from Asia, so they exchanged the spear for three togas and the merchant thought they were crazy exchanging such a precious relic for ONLY three togas.

Suddenly they saw about 20 years pass before them and they found themselves in an era when Greece had a political crisis and people were killed for expressing ideas that were new and opposing traditional beliefs. They passed through the period of Socrates death and through the period of Platos teaching then there the years stopped rushing forward and they took a look around.  Lara noticed that the political crisis had ended and that they were entering a new era : the Hellenism.  Alexander the Great had conquered Greece and polis dont exist anymore but Greece became an empire, creating an empire there is an individual behavior and everyone worries only about themselves.

Terry used a very technological gadget to communicate with the people. It was like an mp3 player but instead of playing music it would translate from English to any language in the world. He asked different people if they knew where he could find Aristotle. Everybodys answer was always the same: Aristotle is the son of a doctor and has scientific interests. He says that you can understand the world only if you explore and study it. He wrote an encyclopedia to study being in all its different ways. Terry would always interrupt them on that part and ask if they knew where to find him but everyone would just look at him, nod their head and turn away.

After having asked about 200 people, Lara asked if she could try. She went up to an old lady which answered: You must not disturb the master while he works for he may never get over it. But if you insist in knowing where he is, I will tell you. The master lives at the end of that road on the right but I warn you that you will face many perils before reaching him. Just what I like, some adventure for once said Lara.

The gang started walking up the road and on their way to find Aristotle they found lots of beasts like Hydras and they even passed Medusa, but Lara defeated them so fast that it seemed all she had to do was pin a cat.

At the end of the road they found a creature that said: If you want to pass this point I will ask you riddles, every time you answer one correctly you take a step front but when you answer wrong, its my turn to have fun. Since you are five people I will ask you six riddles and only one person has the chance to answer two times. Everyone was  a little worried because they all knew that Johnny was really stupid so they had to find a way to make him answer at least one riddle correctly.

The creature said: If you are ready now I will ask the first riddle.

Lara stepped forward and said: We are.

Creature: Riddle no. 1. At night they come without being fetched. And at day they are lost without being stolen.

Lara: I know the answer to this one. The stars. They come at night without being fetched and are lost by day without being stolen.

Creature: You are correct. I want that blonde boy with the Elvis hair to answer riddle no.2, he has three chances. <Everyone looked at Johnny with a shocked look on their face and crossed their fingers.>

Riddle no. 2.  I never was, am always to be, No one ever saw me, nor ever will, And yet I am the confidence of all

To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.

Johnny: Um lets see, the future???

Creature: No 1 down, 2 to go

Johnny: Hmmm you have never seen me so could it be death???

Creature: Nope <It started getting an evil grin on its face while all Johnnys companions started worrying>

Johnny: Im sure I heard this one before ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm . Maybe in kinder garden oh now I remember its TOMORROW.

The evil grin lifted from the creatures face and he said: Correct

Creature: Riddle no.3. Runs over fields and woods all day, Under the bed at night sits not alone, With long tongue hanging out, A-waiting for a bone.

Donkey: This ones easy its a dog

Creature: That is incorrect

Lara mumbled if it does everything I do then it must be something close to me like A SHOE she screamed.

Creature: You are on a roll, only two riddles and youre in. You have answered twice so you must remain silent for the next three questions. Riddle no.4. The beginning of eternity, The end of time and space, The beginning of the very end, And the end of every place

Terry: The beginning of eternity e, the end of space and time e, the beginning of the very end e, the end of every place e THE LETTER E

Creature: You only have two riddles left so cat & donkey, you have to think carefully. Riddle no.5. There was a green house, Inside the green house there was a white house, Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were a lot of babies. Ill give you a hint: Its a fruit

Garfield: Im an expert of food and Im sure its a WATERMELON

Creature: Correct once again, now Riddle no.6. You are driving home, Your headlights are not working, You are in a deserted street with no one around, There is a cat in the middle of the road and There is no moon out, How do you avoid hitting the cat???

Donkey: This is an easy one, Im a donkey, I dont drive

Your answer is wrong said the Creature.

Donkey: Um I hear the cat cry

Creature: That is not the right answer either

Donkey: Oh for Petes sake, ITS DAY TIME SO I CAN SEE THE CAT WITHOUT THE HELP OF THE MOON OR HEADLIGHTS.

Everyone looked and the creature, it bowed and let all of them pass. Everyone jumped on Donkey and told him he was great. Donkey was so happy that he didnt want to tell them that he saw the answer on a piece of paper on the floor in front of him someone must have dropped.

The Creature told them that Aristotle had created these riddles himself and that many people in that era didnt even know what a car was so they would run away when they reached the last riddle.

Johnny, Garfield & Donkey lead the way in with Terry and Lara following close behind hand in hand. When they reached the center of the field they noticed a cottage made out of wood with hay as the roof (like the one in Hansel and Gretel). They ran to it and knocked on the door. Aristotle answered and congratulated them for solving all the riddles. He explained that he was about to have lunch and that they were just in time. He invited them in and Terry explained about the zodiac sign. Aristotle looked more interested in the crabs he had prepared for lunch than listening to him so he told Terry they would talk about it after lunch. Everybody attacked their food, also because it was a long time that they hadnt eaten. After lunch Aristotle told them that he had found the zodiac sign in the meadow the other day and that he gave it to a pet of his that would exchange it for the necklace Johnny was wearing (he probably got it in hell when the greenies made him star in his own movie). Everyone agreed, they got the sign thanked Aristotle and went in the meadow where they found the portal open so they hoped in. They started celebrating because they only had two zodiac signs left to find.

As soon as they finished congratulating each other they landed in Italy, right next to the tower of Pisa where Galileo was conducting some experiments.

"Wow, I'm glad we don't have anymore crazy riddles to answer," said Terry. Just then an old stout man approached them and said, "The riddle is not over boy, try answering this one .... An apple a day keeps what away?"

Terry looked at Lara and Lara looked at the old man. Everyone was silent. The old man snickered:       " Heheh, you're not as smart as I thought you would be," and he headed off.

"That guy is weird," said Terry.

"Furthermore his riddle was stupid and childish," added Garfield.

Everyone knew that they were in Italy because of the Pisa Tower. They saw a man fiddling with a sack with different size objects in it on a stone table next to the Pisa Tower. Lara stared hard at the man, "I could have sworn I saw that man somewhere, but I just can't figure out who he is....Wait a second that guy is...is.. what's his name?..."

"Galileo!" shouted Terry.

The man stopped whatever he was doing and turned to see who was calling his name.

"What can I do for you stranger?" asked